“AILNU”

Written by the Scribner

March 18, 2022

“AILNU” Portrait. Photo by Greasemann.

That time is not on her side, that things she has stowed always need to be unpacked and made whole. That she has been telling one version of a story for far too long and it is time to let it go. That the woman who worked so hard to initiate, or integrate herself is passing away.

And that she has to find a different story to tell. That life happens and then ends in a sudden movement. That’s what she wished for herself, those good wishes are something she should have expressed to other children. And other people’s kids are also her own.

And that there is no time to struggle, to wangle, and it is what it is. That the expectation of life is often different from reality. That she tried, though not always in integrity, but she could have done so much more in a way that she unites instead of destroys, in a way that she supports instead of tearing down. That smiling at people but only wishing them bad is never a good move.

She wanted so much and wanted it too quickly regardless of how she got it, but there are taxes on expedited gifts that are often not meant for you. It is better to always err on charity or goodwill than on meanness. Charity and goodness is the hallmark. It is the stuff that opens doors, and it is the stuff that gives grace when you appear to have run out.

Our darling daughter seems to have run out of it, and the hours are closing in. There is no sudden news. Everything is always in its own time and action. And that is the nature of all this, this talk of dying, of departing. But she has done a lot, in a way that never served her or her children. That is it.